Most people I know like to complain about three things this time of year: their jobs, the weather and the upcoming holidays. For that reason, I’m borrowing an article from my most recent newsletter that offers three tips on how to create the holiday experience you really want.
If you want personalized attention in creating a different holiday experience this year than you have in the past, please check out the Holiday Warm-Up Coaching Special. (Plus, register by November 6 and receive 25% off!)
Pre-Holiday Tips
For those of us who live in the US, the holiday season begins in November with Thanksgiving. Expectations about holidays can run high, with internal and external messages telling us how the season should be. This time of year can also be quite painful, highlighting family dysfunction and lost loved ones.
The good news is that it doesn’t have to be this way! Here are a few simple tips to help you end this year right.
#1. Get over the fantasy.
No one has a Norman Rockwell life (and would you really want one, anyway?). There is no normal family and no right way to experience the holidays. Know yourself and know those you’ll be spending time with enough to recognize what can and can’t be.
For example, my parents are divorced and some of my siblings are half-siblings. I also have step-siblings. And a step-mother. And a half-step-sister. Could I ever have a nuclear family dinner on Christmas eve? No. Never. Please don’t make me.
Which brings me to the next tip.
#2. Identify what you really want.
And I’m talking about the bigger want, the meta-desire, if you will.
Here’s what I want: to feel loved, to give love, to have time to reflect on where I’ve been over the last 12 months and to really connect with myself, my spirituality and those I love. Only a handful of events could make fulfilling those wants really difficult. Baring those, as long as I don’t attach those deep desires to a fantasy experience, I can have what I want – whether I’m on an island in the Caribbean sipping mojitos or trekking back and forth between parents’ houses.
#3. Give only what you can give freely.
My marriage therapist taught me this principle years ago. If you can’t give without resentment, it’s not a gift and you shouldn’t do it. This applies to material gifts and it also applies to time.
When I first moved back East to where my entire family lives, I just went along for the ride for the holidays, going from house to house, accommodating everyone else. And then I got resentful. So I had to learn what I could and wanted to give and then communicate that to those I love. You know, keep good boundaries. The holiday’s are much better these days. 
It’s not always easy to recognize the choices we have when it comes to creating the holiday season. When we do, a whole new path of freedom opens up to us. I hope the tips help you as you begin thinking about new ways to experience this season.
And don’t forget to check out the Holiday Warm-Up Coaching Special to create the personalized holiday experience you’re longing for!
For those of us who live in the US, the holiday season begins in November with Thanksgiving. Expectations about holidays can run high, with internal and external messages telling us how the season should be. This time of year can also be quite painful, highlighting family dysfunction and lost loved ones.
The good news is that it doesn’t have to be this way! In addition to suggesting you take advantage of the Holiday Warm-Up Coaching Special, here are a few simple tips to help you end this year right.
#1. Get over the fantasy.No one has a Norman Rockwell life (and would you really want one, anyway?). There is no normal family and no right way to experience the holidays. Know yourself and know those you’ll be spending time with enough to recognize what can and can’t be.
For example, my parents are divorced and some of my siblings are half-siblings. I also have step-siblings. And a step-mother. And a half-step-sister. Could I ever have a nuclear family dinner on Christmas eve? No. Never. Please don’t make me.
Which brings me to the next tip.
#2. Identify what you really want. And I’m talking about the bigger want, the meta-desire, if you will.
Here’s what I want: to feel loved, to give love, to have time to reflect on where I’ve been over the last 12 months and to really connect with myself, my spirituality and those I love. Only a handful of events could make fulfilling those wants really difficult. Baring those, as long as I don’t attach those deep desires to a fantasy experience, I can have what I want – whether I’m on an island in the Caribbean sipping mojitos or trekking back and forth between parents’ houses.
#3. Give only what you can give freely. My marriage therapist taught me this principle years ago. If you can’t give without resentment, it’s not a gift and you shouldn’t do it. This applies to material gifts and it also applies to time.
When I first moved back East to where my entire family lives, I just went along for the ride for the holidays, going from house to house, accommodating everyone else. And then I got resentful. So I had to learn what I could and wanted to give and then communicate that to those I love. You know, keep good boundaries. The holiday’s are much better these days.
It’s not always easy to recognize the choices we have when it comes to creating the holiday season. When we do, a whole new path of freedom opens up to us. I hope the tips help you as you begin thinking about new ways to experience this season.
