First Things First

I’m often thinking about priorities. In part, I am paid to do as much. I help my clients sort through their own priorities in order to design actions that support those priorities. I do the same for myself, too, of course.

Prioritization has been a particularly hot topic of late. Many of my clients have been asking for a specific emphasis on it; last week, I guest blogged on why/how you can stop trying to manage time; and this morning I had a brief conversation with a colleague by the name of Julie Cohen who was telling me her number one key to creating work-life balance is to develop priorities.

My work with clients, my own blogging and Julie’s comments have reminded me of  how important it is to not only identify what matters most to us but actually construct our lives to reflect those priorities. Or, as Steven Covey would say, we need to put first things first.

The way you choose to spend your time is a reflection of what matters most in your life. If someone were to look at how the hours in your day are allocated, would they see who you really are? Would they see where your priorities lie? And if not, why not?

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Hospice for Change

Last Friday, my husband and I – a one-car family – traded in our 1997 Saturn SL with 211,338 miles. We’d purchased it used in 2002 just before we’d gotten married and held onto it for so long for one primary reason: the damn car just wouldn’t die. But there were other reasons, too. It still averaged 30 mpg. It was made of plastic so you could just pop any dents out. We hadn’t had a car payment in four years and our insurance payments were lower than our cell phone bills.

In other words, the utility of the car outweighed the lack of power locks and windows.

Until one day it didn’t.

My husband’s tipping point occurred years earlier, I’m sure. Mine revealed itself this January when the cloth seat cover on the driver’s side became so worn that the yellow foam began peeking through and I realized I owned shoes that cost more than the trade-in value (to be clear: one quote for the value of the car was $75).

So we did a serious upgrade and last Friday purchased a 2005 Volvo S40.  Not only does its status as a used car mean it’s low in VOCs, but it has power locks and windows, is absolutely gorgeous and was secured for just under the amount we’d decided to spend.

But let’s get to the heady title of this post. I was listening to Lynn Twist give a talk months ago about the opportunity within the global financial crises. She commented that we needed to hospice the old structures and the old way of being before we embarked on a new way of doing things or established new structures.  It’s imperative that we intentionally walk “the old way” to its death.

I love this paradigm and find myself applying it to my life and to my clients’ lives frequently. The car purchase was no different and so we put the Saturn in hospice care. We cleaned out the miscellany in the trunk and organized the important papers in the glove box. We made calls to our insurance company and took some pictures.

Most importantly, on the way to the Volvo dealership, Scott and I reminisced about the Saturn. We surfaced memory after memory of the car, noting how frequently it was a part of our important moments. It was our first big purchase together. It traveled with us across the country. It took me back and forth to my first office job. It hosted an endless number of arguments and life-changing conversations. It kept us safe on the road for eight years.

Change – even the best kind of change that comes with upgraded safety features and a really sexy body – requests that we be intentional. That we honor what was. That we be compassionate toward that with which we are parting and take care of ourselves in the process. That we truly say goodbye.

I’m going to start looking around a little more thoroughly to see areas of change in my life that need some hospice care – the letting go of old habits or beliefs, physical changes in my environment, outdated ways of conducting business – and see what I can do to honor their passing. I am certain I will be able to move forward more fully as a result.

What about you? What changes in your life need some hospice care?

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Job Security & The Road Less Traveled

It’s nice to receive that bi-weekly paycheck, isn’t it? Knowing that, barring being fired or laid-off, you can count on money magically appearing in your account via direct deposit. It doesn’t even matter if you had a crappy week and couldn’t focus at work, because generally you deliver and it’s incredibly expensive and time intensive for your employer to replace you. Which makes you feel pretty safe and secure.

I quit my last “job” in the summer of 2006 and, shortly thereafter, received coach training and hung my shingle. I was able to do this because my husband has been the one receiving that bi-weekly paycheck. It’s taken a good amount of time for my coaching business to be profitable and, in essence, Scott single-handedly financed the early years, for which I’m unendingly grateful.

Recently, Scott began to realize that his steady paycheck was no longer what he was after, no longer what he felt passionate about, no longer worth it.  He wanted to quit his job and launch his own business and was feeling increasing internal insistence that he take a leap of faith and go for it! I couldn’t help but feel a little panicky. I mean, I may be making a living wage now, but who’s to say I will next month. And both of us being self-employed? Do people do that?!?

You can see my value for security shining through here, but at the end of the day, security isn’t one of my top values. I actually have a relatively high tolerance for risk. More importantly, I have a high value on equality. I’ve never had any expectation or desire that I follow my dreams and Scott leaves his behind – it just doesn’t seem fair. It’s also not what’s best for Scott or me or our marriage. I want a partner who goes after what he wants, who creates meaning in his life, who operates from a place of authenticity and integrity. Plus, I like a good challenge.

So I got on board (to be honest, I think I was on board before Scott since his tolerance for risk is a tad lower) and earlier this month Scott gave notice to his employer. Next month, with the backing of a full-fledged production company, he launches MassGrass Media which will equip marketing/communications firms, companies and storytellers with strategic video counsel and creative production support.

(That's Scott, closest to the camera, in the Outer Banks.)

When it comes to job security, it seems we’re taking the road less traveled. It’s not empty, but it’s definitely not anywhere close to gridlock, a fact which in and of itself can be a little disconcerting. It’s reassuring to feel part of the pack. As we’ve explored the opportunities before us, however, we’ve each had to recognize that the road less traveled isn’t necessarily less secure, it’s just different. Companies lay people off all the time; people have accidents which render them unable to work; organizations pay salaries that are below a living wage.

We’re taking a leap of faith, yes, but we did so yesterday, too. And the day before that. Considering that we can only prepare for our future but not control it, it seems to me that taking a leap of faith is simply what each and every one of us does each and every day.

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To “Book” or not to “Book”?

Okay, so it’s been some time since my promise that I’d share “more later” about the re-authoring of my life that occurred via my 30 day celebration series. It’s not for lack of trying. Or reflecting. Or believing. Or having good intentions.

It’s that it’s just too much!

I’ve sat down to write about the power of this exercise, about the way it changed me and the way I relate to specific events and individuals or the difference it’s made in the way I view myself and the lessons that I learned. And every blog-sized thing I write comes off as paltry. Cheap. Like the vise grips I’m using as shower fixtures instead of having the damn knobs replaced.

(See? Cheap.)

Which brings me to you for some feedback.

More than a few people have suggested that this series be folded into a book. I won’t say the idea didn’t also occur to me about half-way through. And if it were a book, I could not only expand and improve the existing material, but I could do the summation justice. I could take the space and time needed.

Some of you have followed me diligently through this process and I’d really like to know your honest opinion: would you want to see this in a book?

A. Yes. Put me on the pre-order list!

B. Sure. I’d read it if someone bought one for me.

C. I’d buy it because I’m your client/relative/friend, but I wouldn’t read it.

D. No thanks. This is better blog fodder than book fodder.

Thanks for your input! And now, back to regular blogging!

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A Marrakech Birthday

Today is my 30th birthday and at the moment, I am in an Internet cafe in the Medina of Marrakech.

This morning I awoke at 5am to the traditional Islamic call to prayer emminating from several nearby mosques. I navigated tiny streets teeming with mopeds and petit txis and donkey carts and seas of people. I have had no fewer than 10 men smile and call out to me while giving me the once over. I have ordered lunch en francois and shooed away roughly 15 shoeshine guys and 20 beggars.

(Coutesy of guardian.co.uk)

Even in a city where tourism is booming and that from the 1920s to the 1950s was colonized by France, I am, without a doubt, a stranger in a strange land. Which, of course, was part of the plan.

This trip was designed to be an intentional way of honoring the passing of time, in general, and in my life, specifically. My 30th birthday blog countdown was also designed to honor this passing of time and to celebrate the life I have had the good fortune to live thus far.

The payoff has been significant.

Because I am on vacation and typing on a foreign keyboard – read: AZERTY, not QWERTY – with dial-up speeds I will save the full reflections for later. Just two thoughts for now.

First of all, I cannot thank the many of you who have shared in this blog experiment with me enough. Not only have I valued your feedback and encouragement, but I have deeply appreciated your own stories and celebrations that you have shared.

And secondly, I would like to say that this experiment has been an invaluable re-authoring, if you will, of my life. More on that later…

For now, I will return to convincing myself that yes, birthdays exist even when you are utterly disoriented from a cultural perspective. I will simultaneously be pretending that I know which direction I am headed in through the winding Medina streets. That technique got me through the last several decades; surely, the thirties cannot be that different!

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