I didn’t notice my fear of commitment until college, when a kind friend suggested that yes, I could actually make plans on Thursday morning for Friday night. I didn’t need to keep my options open. In retrospect I can see the fear surfacing in any number of ways. I was always hedging, waiting, resisting.
And then I got married and have remained passionately so for nearly 7 years. And then I moved to a new city and have lived here for over 4 years. And then I stopped quitting jobs and have successfully created and loved the business I started three years ago.
And then two weeks ago my life was just so great right where it was that I made a big fat commitment to it and bought my first house. The morning after moving in? I wake up and almost immediately burst into tears.
You see, I live in the city, and the new street apparently has THE MOST RELIABLE BUS SERVICE in the whole world. Additionally, every public school in the area must send their outdated buses careening down our street between 7 and 8am, jarring their brakes to loosely respect the stop sign at the corner. In other words, it’s a little noisier than my previous city street.
Upon hearing of my woes my wise friend, Maria, said, “Oh, you just haven’t gotten used to the noise yet.” Her comment was almost flippant, really, and this flippancy made my day. Of course! I just hadn’t gotten used to it yet!
And she’s right. Seven days in, I now sleep like a rock (albeit with the windows closed and earplugs in, if in bed past 7am).
Which is why (excluding the feminist critique for now) I agree with Beyonce: If you like it, put a ring on it. Commitment to anything generally takes some getting used to. But if my commitment to my marriage, to my business and to my city has taught me anything, it’s that life is simply richer and more satisying as a result.
I’ve heard the term “Stoptional” being used for red lights and stop signs in Philadelphia… Talk about fear of commitment!
Inspired by your rave reviews of Beyoncé and her notions, I am about to sign a 1-year lease on the apartment I have been subletting, and I’m experiencing the I’m-Home-feeling as evidenced by my making granola from scratch and alphabetizing my books today.
Now, let’s make plans for next week.
–K
Kilian – congrats! Glad to know you’re making a commitment to being just a few trolley stops away. Yes, on the plans. And yes, on sharing your granola.
[...] himself married. It seemed a pipe dream to me. You can read about some of my commitment issues here. And you can also know that as of this year or next I will have officially been married longer than [...]