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Day 30: Community (30th Birthday Countdown)

Written by Jennifer on 17th March 2010

As a countdown to my 30th birthday on March 18, I’ve committed to offering 30 people, things and experiences I want to celebrate from the last 30 years. Grab a piece of cake and enjoy reading!


“Let there be no purpose in friendship

save the deepening of the spirit.”

~ Kahlil Gibran

Tomorrow is the big day and I find myself here with one last opportunity to highlight something from the first 30 years I want to celebrate. The choice has become obvious because as I look back at all of the experiences I have celebrated this last month, I am keenly aware that not a single one of them occurred in isolation. They are centered in community.

One of the difficult tasks of this exercise turned out to be that there were too many things I wanted to include. There were certainly too many people. I cannot tell you how happy that makes me!

My world is filled with individuals and groups of people who have generated so much meaning in my life. There are my best girlfriends, spread around the country; my in-laws, who are among the most welcoming people I have ever met; friends from nursery school through college; my amazing and tremendous coaching colleagues; my neighbors and the strangers who smile on the subway; the family members I didn’t mention and friends whose names did not take the spotlight; and there is you.

I will post tomorrow – on my birthday – from Marrakech, but as I wrap up this series formally, it is with a heart full of gratitude for the fact that every single day of my life has been touched and gifted by my ever-evolving, always organic community.

I have been graced with 30 years of love and it is that – more than anything else – that propels me with eagerness and and an open heart into the next chapter of my life.

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Posted in celebration, change, gratitude, sustainability | No Comments »

Day 21: Quitting (30th Birthday Countdown)

Written by Jennifer on 8th March 2010

As a countdown to my 30th birthday on March 18, I’ve committed to offering 30 people, things and experiences I want to celebrate from the last 30 years. Grab a piece of cake and enjoy reading!

I’m a quitter. Over the last 30 years, I’ve quit a lot of things – races, jobs, friendships, foods, styles, boyfriends, plans, books, family members, businesses, teams.

Rarely, in all the times that I can remember, have I actually followed through with a decision to quit something and later come to regret it. I understand that this runs counter to traditional axioms about quitting. After all, outside of smoking, quitting = failure, no?

No.

That’s because I’m not talking about the quit-because-I’m-terrified or quit-because-I-might-succeed or quit-because-I-might-fail or quit-because-I’m-afraid-of-conflict scenario. That’s something else entirely. I’m talking about the times I’ve (responsibly) quit because it authentically reflects who I am. In these situations, quitting has proven to be a necessary way of staying true to myself, following through with my passions and interests, protecting me from toxic people and situations, making myself available for bigger and better experiences.

At the end of the day, this kind of quitting has brought me to life.

(A 1995 look I quit.)

So today I celebrate all the times I said yes. And then said no. All the times I moved forward because I thought it was something I wanted and then allowed myself to move away when I realized it wasn’t. I’ve given myself a lot of practice these first thirty years and I imagine I’ll have to do less quitting over the next thirty as a result. On the other hand, if at first I get something all wrong, at least I’ll be able to draw on all of this experience I have and just up and -

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Posted in career, celebration, change, sustainability | No Comments »

Day 9: My Sister Kelley (30th Birthday Countdown)

Written by Jennifer on 24th February 2010

As a countdown to my 30th birthday on March 18, I’ve committed to offering 30 people, things and experiences I want to celebrate from the last 30 years. Grab a piece of cake and enjoy reading!

To some degree Kelley and I couldn’t be more different. She likes Vegas; I like the Grand Canyon. She buys a new car every few years; I passed 210,000 miles on my ‘97 Saturn just today. I tend to run cold; she tends to run hot. Her purse is from Coach; mine is from Whole Foods.

(This photo is of Kelley and my brother Sean, taken around the time I was born.)

If you were to meet Kelley for the first time, you’d likely describe her as quiet. Maybe shy. And because of that you might not expect that at every point throughout the last 30 years, my sister has been among my most ardent supporters, cheerleaders, defenders and advocates.

As a matter of fact, my earliest recollections of someone going to bat for me all involve Kelley. They’d be minor details, I suppose, if she lacked consistency, but consistency seems to be her strong suit.

Recently, I began to notice on Facebook that Kelley is always the first to comment on a link I post on my fan page or like my status update. She re-posts my blog and signs up for my workshops. And I suddenly realized that my whole life has been colored by this support, this knowledge that someone always has my back, always wants the best for me, always goes out of her way for me.

I see now how much of my courage and my drive for independence is a direct line from Kelley’s love. I go after what I want – whether its a bigger paycheck, a trip abroad, or a relationship – because she modeled that for me. Every single time she stood up for me (or for herself), I learned that I, too, could stand up for myself.

There couldn’t possibly be a better gift to receive from your big sister. And so I’m going to take this gift and put it into play for the rest of my life. And maybe, just maybe, standing up for myself will be thanks enough for all the times she’s gone to bat for me.

Posted in celebration, change, sustainability | 6 Comments »

What? Say no to making New Year’s resolutions?!?

Written by Jennifer on 6th January 2010

You get about 75 million hits when searching google with keywords New + Year’s + Resolution. Everywhere I turn, it seems someone else is offering me THE top 5 tips for having my best year ever!!!

You’ve seen this, too, I’m sure and I’m curious: has it proven helpful to you? No? Yes? No matter. Let me add my voice to the cacophonous mess.

I was at the gym last night and overwhelmed at the staggering difference between the average number of people working out on any given night last month as compared to the zoo that was last night.

My husband commented that this was kinda cool. Health and fitness are good things to acheive and he wanted to celebrate the effort of those new to these goals. I rolled my eyes (how coach-like of me!) and said, “I know I can tend a little cynical, but how many of these folks do you think will be here in six months?”

Because I work with people on change all the time, I know how absolutely challenging it can be to sustain, especially without support. And for many people, New Year’s Resolutions are empty promises to themselves, often borne out of what they think they should do, not borne out of who they really are and what they really want.  They often don’t even solve any existing problems which, quite frankly, is a real shot in motivation’s foot.

So if you’re among the masses who have identified any resolutions/goals/intentions for 2010 (I have), let me offer two bits of advice:

1. Ensure that it actually solves a real problem that you have (e.g., I will perform my physical therapy exercises three times a week because the pain caused by my poor posture is impeding my ability to function well)

2. Don’t commit to it if you don’t really want to

David Allen said, “Most of the stress that people feel doesn’t come from having too much to do. It comes from not keeping agreements they’ve made with themselves.”

It’s counterintuitive to all the New Year’s hype, perhaps, but I seriously urge you to let go of making any agreements with yourself that you don’t anticipate keeping. I want you to have a very successful, meaningful and prosperous year. If that means letting some resolutions go, then by all means, take this coach’s suggestion and do just that!

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Posted in authenticity, change, commitment, goals, happiness, holidays, inspiration, problem-solving, sustainability | 4 Comments »

Barking up the Wrong Tree

Written by Jennifer on 1st December 2009

I was scheduled to be giving a very significant presentation at the ICF Annual Conference Global Leadership Forum tomorrow.  The largest and most influential association for coaches, the International Coach Federation accredits coach training institutions and certifies coaches. I am a member, I currently serve on the executive board of its Philadelphia chapter and I also lead a small interest group on their behalf for 20- and 30-something coaches.

Back in June, I accepted the invitation to speak at this significant gathering of many of the head honchos in my profession. It’s a good gig. Noteworthy. Impressive, even. Validating.

As time went on and more details were solidified, I came to several realizations, the most important of which was that delivering this presentation wasn’t purposeful for me. Sparing the details, I began to see how this presentation would equivocate barking up the wrong tree.  I made the hard decision to renig on this sweet deal (read: ego likes noteworthy, impressive, validating activities).

Wrong Way, Go Back

Many of my clients come to me barking up the wrong tree. Sometimes they know it and want help finding the right tree. Other times they insist the wrong tree is the right tree. If you think you might be barking up the wrong tree, spend time with the following:

  1. When I imagine following through on this, I feel ________.
  2. When I imagine letting go of this, I feel _______.
  3. The cost of letting go of this is _______.
  4. The benefit of letting go of this is _______.
  5. This is/isn’t purposeful for me because _______.

The process of exploring this speaking opportunity got me in touch with some ideas and dreams I had set aside. It awakened me to more purposeful activity that is already proving generative and exciting. And while saying no may cost me some leverage and recognition within the coaching community, I am certain the cost of following through would have been higher.

Most of us take some inventory of the past year in December and begin envisioning the next one. As you do so, I invite you to consider that any changes you want to make must be purposeful in order to be truly sustainable. Are you ready to begin barking up the right trees?

Posted in authenticity, purpose, sustainability | No Comments »

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