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What? Say no to making New Year’s resolutions?!?

Written by Jennifer on 6th January 2010

You get about 75 million hits when searching google with keywords New + Year’s + Resolution. Everywhere I turn, it seems someone else is offering me THE top 5 tips for having my best year ever!!!

You’ve seen this, too, I’m sure and I’m curious: has it proven helpful to you? No? Yes? No matter. Let me add my voice to the cacophonous mess.

I was at the gym last night and overwhelmed at the staggering difference between the average number of people working out on any given night last month as compared to the zoo that was last night.

My husband commented that this was kinda cool. Health and fitness are good things to acheive and he wanted to celebrate the effort of those new to these goals. I rolled my eyes (how coach-like of me!) and said, “I know I can tend a little cynical, but how many of these folks do you think will be here in six months?”

Because I work with people on change all the time, I know how absolutely challenging it can be to sustain, especially without support. And for many people, New Year’s Resolutions are empty promises to themselves, often borne out of what they think they should do, not borne out of who they really are and what they really want. They often don’t even solve any existing problems which, quite frankly, is a real shot in motivation’s foot.

So if you’re among the masses who have identified any resolutions/goals/intentions for 2010 (I have), let me offer two bits of advice:

1. Ensure that it actually solves a real problem that you have (e.g., I will perform my physical therapy exercises three times a week because the pain caused by my poor posture is impeding my ability to function well)

2. Don’t commit to it if you don’t really want to

David Allen said, “Most of the stress that people feel doesn’t come from having too much to do. It comes from not keeping agreements they’ve made with themselves.”

It’s counterintuitive to all the New Year’s hype, perhaps, but I seriously urge you to let go of making any agreements with yourself that you don’t anticipate keeping. I want you to have a very successful, meaningful and prosperous year. If that means letting some resolutions go, then by all means, take this coach’s suggestion and do just that!

Tags: change, goals, holidays, sustainability
Posted in authenticity, change, commitment, goals, happiness, holidays, inspiration, problem-solving, sustainability | 4 Comments »

Holiday Expectations

Written by Jennifer on 2nd November 2009

Most people I know like to complain about three things this time of year: their jobs, the weather and the upcoming holidays. For that reason, I’m borrowing an article from my most recent newsletter that offers three tips on how to create the holiday experience you really want.

If you want personalized attention in creating a different holiday experience this year than you have in the past, please check out the Holiday Warm-Up Coaching Special. (Plus, register by November 6 and receive 25% off!)

Pre-Holiday Tips

For those of us who live in the US, the holiday season begins in November with Thanksgiving. Expectations about holidays can run high, with internal and external messages telling us how the season should be. This time of year can also be quite painful, highlighting family dysfunction and lost loved ones.

The good news is that it doesn’t have to be this way! Here are a few simple tips to help you end this year right.

#1. Get over the fantasy.

No one has a Norman Rockwell life (and would you really want one, anyway?). There is no normal family and no right way to experience the holidays. Know yourself and know those you’ll be spending time with enough to recognize what can and can’t be.

For example, my parents are divorced and some of my siblings are half-siblings. I also have step-siblings. And a step-mother. And a half-step-sister. Could I ever have a nuclear family dinner on Christmas eve? No. Never. Please don’t make me.

Which brings me to the next tip.

#2. Identify what you really want.

And I’m talking about the bigger want, the meta-desire, if you will.

Here’s what I want: to feel loved, to give love, to have time to reflect on where I’ve been over the last 12 months and to really connect with myself, my spirituality and those I love. Only a handful of events could make fulfilling those wants really difficult. Baring those, as long as I don’t attach those deep desires to a fantasy experience, I can have what I want – whether I’m on an island in the Caribbean sipping mojitos or trekking back and forth between parents’ houses.

#3. Give only what you can give freely.

My marriage therapist taught me this principle years ago. If you can’t give without resentment, it’s not a gift and you shouldn’t do it. This applies to material gifts and it also applies to time.

When I first moved back East to where my entire family lives, I just went along for the ride for the holidays, going from house to house, accommodating everyone else. And then I got resentful. So I had to learn what I could and wanted to give and then communicate that to those I love. You know, keep good boundaries. The holiday’s are much better these days.

It’s not always easy to recognize the choices we have when it comes to creating the holiday season. When we do, a whole new path of freedom opens up to us. I hope the tips help you as you begin thinking about new ways to experience this season.

And don’t forget to check out the Holiday Warm-Up Coaching Special to create the personalized holiday experience you’re longing for!

For those of us who live in the US, the holiday season begins in November with Thanksgiving. Expectations about holidays can run high, with internal and external messages telling us how the season should be. This time of year can also be quite painful, highlighting family dysfunction and lost loved ones.

The good news is that it doesn’t have to be this way! In addition to suggesting you take advantage of the Holiday Warm-Up Coaching Special, here are a few simple tips to help you end this year right.

#1. Get over the fantasy.No one has a Norman Rockwell life (and would you really want one, anyway?). There is no normal family and no right way to experience the holidays. Know yourself and know those you’ll be spending time with enough to recognize what can and can’t be.

Which brings me to the next tip.

#2. Identify what you really want. And I’m talking about the bigger want, the meta-desire, if you will.

#3. Give only what you can give freely. My marriage therapist taught me this principle years ago. If you can’t give without resentment, it’s not a gift and you shouldn’t do it. This applies to material gifts and it also applies to time.

Tags: change, happiness, holidays, inspiration
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The Slow Path of Consciousness

Written by Jennifer on 16th October 2009

Autobiography in Five Short Chapters

by Portia Nelson

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost … I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes me forever to find a way out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place
but, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

III

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in … it’s a habit.
my eyes are open
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

I walk down another street.

Tags: change, inspiration, sustainability
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Sufficiency: The Surprising Truth

Written by Jennifer on 27th August 2009

Following my 8/7 post, Scarcity: The Great Lie, I offer another excerpt from the book, The Soul of Money, by Lynn Twist. More about Lynn, the book and her work can be found at www.soulofmoney.org.

We each have the choice in any setting to step back and let go of the mind-set of scarcity. Once we let go of scarcity, we discover the surprising truth of sufficiency. By sufficiency, I don’t mean a quantity of anything. Sufficiency isn’t two steps up from poverty or one step short of abundance. It isn’t a measure of barely enough or more than enough. Sufficiency isn’t an amount at all. It is an experience, a context we generate, a declaration, a knowing that there is enough, and that we are enough. . .

In our relationship with money, it is using money in a way that expresses our integrity; using it in a way that expresses value rather than determines value. Sufficiency is not a message about simplicity or about cutting back and lowering expectations. Sufficiency doesn’t mean we shouldn’t strive or aspire. Sufficiency is an act of generating, distinguishing, making known to ourselves the power and presence of our existing resources, and our inner resrouces. Sufficiency is a context we bring forth from within that reminds us that if we look around us and within ourselves, we will find what we need. There is always enough. . .

I am not suggesting that there is ample water in the desert or food for the beggards in Bombay. I am saying that even in the presence of genuine scarcity of external resources, the desire and capacity for self-sufficiency are innate and enough to meet the challenges we face. It is precisely when we turn our attentions to these inner resources – in fact, only when we do that – that we can begin to see more clearly the sufficiency in us and available to us, and we can begin to generate effective, sustainable responses to whatever limitations of resources confront us. When we let go of the chase for more, and consciously examine and experience the resources we already have, we discover our resources are deeper than we knew or imagined. In the nourishment of our attention, our assets expand and grow.

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To Be Pleasant and Memorable

Written by Jennifer on 4th August 2009

Who doesn’t love a good email forward?!?!?

Okay, I don’t either. I’ve discovered, however, that they have this interesting disarming quality to them, especially when they are packaged with cute photos of animals or children.

See, you're hooked now, right?

It’s like talking to a dear friend who believes passionately about something and during the discourse, you feel your head nodding yes and your eyebrows raised in agreement. It’s not until you walk away that you realize that no, you don’t actually think waterboarding is ethically sound.

I received a forward today that compared the experience of life to that of a train journey. We get on board when we are born; we disembark when we die. The other passengers are our friends, etc.

As any recipient of such dispatches knows, the meaning is inevitably made clear enough that your 3 year old nephew would understand – no critical thinking required. This is handy. After all, I’m certainly not going to spend time on the deconstruction of a feel-good Power Point presentation that I feel compelled to read because I like sender.

Back to life = train ride. I’m moving quickly through the slide, gently rolling my eyes at the positive use of the word “baggage.” And then comes the message:

“Above all, we should all strive to make the ride as pleasant and memorable as we can.”

I feel my eyebrows raise a bit, my head lean to the left and a slight nod start at the top of my spine. This is nice, I think. Pleasant and memorable. I like pleasant – it’s comforting, reassuring, unobtrusive. And who doesn’t want to remember positive events? Or be remembered? Maybe I should think more about being pleasant and memorable.

And then my brows furrow. Pleasant and memorable? Pleasant is as vanilla as vanilla gets and memorable seems like a partial waste, considering you know, death.

What about bold? Powerful? Creative? Helpful? Connected? Authentic?

But what I really want is to hear from you. Play a little Mad Libs, fill in the blanks and share below:

Above all, we should all strive to make the ride as _____________ and ______________ as we can.

Tags: authenticity, purpose
Posted in authenticity, inspiration | 3 Comments »